More power to you
Today I caught a glimpse of myself in the large mirror that sits at the bottom of our stairs and my first thought was, ‘Wow, you really are getting old’. Then I straightened my back, dropped my shoulders, raised my head and gazed in acknowledgement of how much life had to be lived in order for me to look the way I do now. Suddenly I was seeing a more powerful me, with a sense of pride mixed with conviction. You see, as I write this, it is International Women’s Day and my mind is abuzz with all the amazing achievements of women throughout history. Okay, I haven’t done anything to change history myself, but I have lived through some hairy moments where I could have easily given up and adopted the role of a human door mat. My sense of self-worth prevented me from doing that and I reckon it is thanks to the inspiration and guidance of some brilliant women I have met and read about along the way.
Malala – International woman every year
Some of these women have become, despite facing the most harrowing personal hardships, a guiding light for girls who would otherwise find themselves living in the darkness of repression and deprivation. One that stands out for me is Malala Yousafzai, the youngest ever recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize at the age of just 17. She is well known for her activism around the education of women and children in Pakistan where the local Taliban banned girls from attending school. She survived an assassination attempt on her life by the Taliban in retaliation for her activism when she was shot in the face while travelling home on a bus having just sat an exam at school. Now 22 years old, she continues to inspire young girls while studying Philosophy, Politics and Economics at Oxford University.
Surviving Domestic Violence
Have you ever read A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini? If you have, you will know it is a beautifully written novel that shines a light on the suffering of Afghani women and reminds us that there is still much to be done to ensure women are free of repression. I cried when I read of young Mariam’s plight – being physically abused by her old and despicable husband. It triggered some painful memories of my own experience of domestic violence. When I was in my early twenties, young and naive, I fell for a handsome and passionate Latino. I was immediately captivated by his predisposition to living dangerously and I allowed myself to be carried off in a direction I otherwise would not have gone in. His passion had a violent edge to it when he didn’t get his way and, eventually, I became a victim to his physical and mental abuse. I was fragile and innocent, yet I had a burning desire to be somebody, to accomplish things in my life. But I didn’t believe I was worthy. I can still feel the pain of indignity as he struck me when I was down. The way he kicked me full force as though I was nothing more than a piece of discarded furniture. Of course, this only served to reinforce my belief that I wasn’t worthy of anything better. It must have been heartbreaking for anyone watching, to see me crawl along my destructive path.
Lifted up by strong women
What saved me was the support I received from strong women who I was fortunate enough to have in my life at that time. One of these women was my boss at Hello! Magazine who had faith in me and could see beyond my self-destructive behaviour. She encouraged me to do things I wouldn’t ordinarily have done at work as they weren’t part of my job. It was through those little achievements, such as seeing my travel reports published, that I began to believe in myself.
Self-worth or self-esteem?
Last week I wrote about the need for us to believe in our self and to have faith in our ability to pursue our dreams. I talked about the voice that some of us carry around with us, the one that tells us we’re not good enough. I want to pick that apart a bit more. I’ve come to realise that self-esteem and self-worth are two different things. Self-esteem is what we think and feel about our self at a given moment. It is what the voice inside our head tells us. As human beings, we have a propensity to take notice of the negative messaging – you only have to see the stuff that dominates the news to know what I’m talking about. Our self-esteem can increase or decrease depending on external events such as winning or losing, being liked or disliked and, as a result, is volatile.
Self-worth, on the other hand, forms the bedrock for who we believe we are. It’s not so much influenced by life’s circumstances or other people’s opinions of us as it is based on an unconditional acceptance of our own self as being inherently worthy. We are all worthy, no matter what. It is a miracle that we are alive at all, and that gift of life is what supports our belief that we are worthy of living the life we have been given. It is the foundation on which our drive to survive is built.
The two go hand-in-hand though, people who honour their self-worth, who accept and respect the self, tend to have a high self-esteem. To recognise our worth as a unique human being is to give ourselves permission to be who we are.
I am worthy
My self-worth was what empowered me to walk away from a destructive relationship that I thought was my fate. While my self-esteem was on the floor in a heap, my deep belief that I deserved better took over and I was able to pave the way for the life I now have. I will be forever grateful to the women who lifted me up and made me feel strong when I was at my weakest.
This week I will leave you with the words of a brilliant song, I Am Woman, written and performed with passion and urgency by the lovely Helen Reddy. I recommend you listen to it right now to remind you of the power that lies within each and every one of us. Thanks for reading this week’s blog.
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an’ pretend
‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
And I’ve been down there on the floor
No one’s ever gonna keep me down againOh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
(Strong)
I am invincible
(Invincible)
I am womanYou can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soulOh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
(Strong)
I am invincible
(Invincible)
I am woman
