Dear Readers,
Thank you for the wonderfully supportive responses to my recent letter seeking Founding Readers for my debut novel, In a Different Light. Some of you will have received your advance copy by now, and I truly hope with all my heart that you enjoy the journey Aoife takes you on.
For much of this year, my world has revolved around finishing my novel. Now that it’s complete and almost ready to make its way into the world, I find myself able to lift my head and look beyond it. And, unexpectedly, I find myself reflecting on something else entirely.
When I turned sixty a few months ago something in me changed.
People told me, ‘Ah sure, it’s only a number.’ And perhaps it is just that.
But for me, it felt like a milestone. It invited me to pause and reflect – not only on the life I’ve lived so far, but on the person I still want to become. I now see that becoming is a lifelong journey.
Every morning we wake up offers another opportunity to choose who we want to be.
These days I begin each day with a pint of warm water and lemon. I meditate, stand in the early morning sunshine, move my body, eat food that nourishes me, connect with the people I love and make sleep a priority. None of these things are revolutionary, but together they are my way of saying thank you to a body that has put up with my poor choices over the decades of living, learning and, at times, just surviving.
Sometimes I imagine my body quietly whispering, ‘Thank you. That’s very becoming.’
Do you remember that expression? ‘She let her grey hair grow out. It’s very becoming.’
I haven’t quite found the courage to stop dying my hair yet and to let the grey shine. Why not? Because I’m vain. There. I said it. Or maybe it’s something a little deeper than vanity. Maybe, like many women, I’m afraid of becoming invisible.
Ageing isn’t always easy in a culture that celebrates youth. Yet the older I become, the more convinced I am that we have something unique and valuable to offer. Experience teaches us things that simply cannot be rushed. Wisdom has a way of arriving only after we’ve lived enough to recognise it. And through our mistakes of which I’ve made my fair share.
The greatest gift I gave myself when I turned sixty wasn’t an expensive holiday or a special meal. It was permission to forgive myself for those mistakes and to stop allowing them to decide who I become next.
For many years I believed my past somehow disqualified me from becoming the person I longed to be.
Now I know better.
As I wrote those words, I realised I was also describing Aoife, the protagonist in In a Different Light. If you’ve been following my writing for a while, you’ll know that this novel has been many years in the making. Seeing it finally arrive in the world feels a little like stepping into the next chapter of my own journey of becoming. If you’d like to learn more about In a Different Light, you’ll find more information here.
Aoife believes she isn’t enough – lovable enough, or brave enough, and certainly not worthy enough. Those beliefs shape almost every decision she makes. Writing her story helped me understand something about my own. There comes a time when we have to stop allowing the past to dictate the future. Through reflection, self-compassion and forgiveness, we create the freedom to become who we were always capable of being.
Perhaps that’s what becoming really means. Not reaching some perfect destination. But waking up each day with another opportunity to choose.
Thank you for being here with me on this fascinating journey through life.
Love,
Gill x
